I have a problem with patience...When I get frustrated and impatient my husband will jokingly call me Veruca (Salt), referring to the character in Willy Wonka. I have quite a bad habit of always wanting more...and wanting it now. I know as some of you are reading this, Veruca's famous song is playing in your heads and you can picture her dancing around the "geeses" and twirling herself around pastel colored plastic wrap. In my defense, it is not so much that I am terribly selfish and want everything at a very fast pace, rather sometimes I want to make sure that I am taking enough action; that I am meeting God halfway.
To give you my most recent example, for the last few weeks I have been diligently filling out resumes, taking online employee tests, and traveling from one Starbucks to the next trying to get a job. My number one pick was always to be able to get a job teaching guitar lessons as I have done for the last four years. First, I waited around thinking no one liked me and I was loser, basically just feeling sorry for myself that I wasn't getting a call back. This would only make me try harder, resorting to the possibility of a 2010 Census job (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with). Finally hearing back from a local guitar shop about an opening for a teacher, I was thrilled! And yet, I still could not understand why none of the other jobs had even bothered to call. Not only had I been called back by someone, but it was by the very job that I wanted the most - but I still wanted more. I still wanted a flood of calls from all of my other prospects just for that reassurance that I wasn't a loser. Little did I know, or realize, that God had already provided me with my heart's desire.
This is one of the "thorns in my flesh" that I have to work on and pray about each day. My "Veruca complex" is not a healthy one, but it is one that can be taken away with prayer and God's guidance. My impatience also stems from worrying that I am not trying hard enough or meeting God halfway. The truth is, God has a plan and His own timeline that may not be the same as ours - it most every time isn't on our timeline because mostly we "want it now!" God will not send us down a bad egg chute, but he may send us on a different path, and He has our best interest.
Today I went in to meet the studio manager of the guitar shop and he showed me my room. It is in the front of the building with large windows overlooking the cute town outside. I can't wait to start getting new students! I will pray for patience until then : )
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