Baby Boom: Feminist or not?

The 1987 film Baby Boom was on television the other day and I couldn't help but tune in since it was one of the movies I watched as a child.  Horrific music, bad gender politics and all, I still couldn't tell you why I enjoyed it so much.  I was pretty precocious and preferred playing hotel manager and bank teller over housewife and mommy and my mom will tell you I only owned a handful of dolls in my lifetime.  So I guess the mom in a business suit attracted me, but now when I watch it I see it in a totally different light.  

If you've never seen it I'll bring you up to speed:  J.C. Wyatt, played by Diane Keaton, is a successful New York business woman on the brink of her career as a soon-to-be-partner of a multi-million dollar company called "The Food Chain."  Her "genderless" name is perhaps supposed to suggest she's trying her best to fit in with the male-dominated business market of the late 80s. At a business luncheon with her boss she expresses some of her "radical" ideas, professing she doesn't want to be married and definitely doesn't want kids - ever. It's only minutes after her "feminist tirade" that she gets an early-morning call from overseas informing her that a distant cousin has died and left her something in his will.   Of course, we all know what it is but she stupidly decides it might be money.

The next day she meets her "inheritance" at the airport - Elizabeth, a curly-headed toddler with a suitcase and diaper bag.  The social worker hands her off to the sulking J.C. who nearly has a breakdown (one of her many tantrums throughout the film) in the middle of the airport.  The next scene we're taken to a swanky restaurant as J.C. comes close to committing child abuse, lugging Elizabeth around like a briefcase, nearly banging her head in the door.  She hands her off to the woman at the coat check, proceeds to her luncheon, and acts oblivious to the sound of Elizabeth crying.

Later, at her apartment she leaves Elizabeth on a chair, telling her to "sit!" as if she's talking to a trained puppy.  And when her boyfriend meets little Elizabeth it's as if he's never really interacted with a baby before in his life, professing he's doesn't know how to hold her because he's never held a baby.   I'm sure there are people out there like this, but really, you've went your whole life without holding a baby?  And we see him reasoning with her like a small child, telling her to go to sleep because he has a big business deal the next day (I actually wouldn't have minded if she'd spit up on him there just a little bit, but I digress....).

Thankful for the clause found in her contract, J.C. seeks adoption for Elizabeth, but she changes her mind at the agency when Elizabeth starts crying for her - she's become attached after nursing her when she has a cold.  Her "mommy gene" has already kicked in and she's hooked for good.   But her boyfriend, as she knowingly suspected, is not interested in playing "daddy."

A couple weeks go by like one might suspect after being thrown into the stresses of motherhood: she struggles to find a trustworthy babysitter, the men around her start giving her odd looks when she has toys delivered to her office, and the young man she's been training for several years is now being promoted, while her dreams of becoming partner are quickly slipping away.

Rather than cutting back a bit at work she drastically decides to leave New York and the company behind, purchasing a 60+ acre estate in Vermont - if you can't play with the big boys, go home, right?!  In Vermont, it plays out like most "city mouse goes to the country" plots - the house starts needing repairs and she doesn't know what to do about it.  She breaks down into another tantrum, professing she can't live there anymore, she needs civilization and sex!

And then "the man" enters, the one who's going to save her from her single-motherhood status and repair all her broken pieces.  On cue, just seconds after her "I need sex" line, she's lying on a doctor's table staring at a middle-aged veterinarian.   You're just hoping she'll at least keep it together, but the New York high-lifer she was and still is comes out as she sits and spills her dilemmas, reminiscent of a therapy session.

Desperate to leave the end of civilization and return to New York she decides to sell her homemade baby food.  Her small company, "Country Baby," becomes successful to the point that her old company in New York wants to purchase it for several million dollars.  Caught between the prospects of staying with the country vet and returning to New York, she decides to pass on the business deal, and the movie closes with her return to the vet and little Elizabeth in the country.

From the beginning, I feel, we're not meant to like her character.  She's selfish, a bit delusional, and she's a stereotypical "yuppy" business woman.  As an audience we're almost relieved to find that she's going to be taking care of a baby, if only to bring some of the attention away from herself.  The fact that she's playing this type of character is problematic in itself when trying to consider this film as feminist.  Why is she such a disagreeable character when she's a working woman and non-believer of marriage and motherhood? And why is it that we're only allowed to warm up to her once she has a baby in her arms? This seems to only suggest you become a better woman when you enter the throes of motherhood.

So, while I appreciate the attempt at feminism in this movie, it's hard to watch films like this one that might profess to be "feminist" or at least a consideration of radical gender politics.  In my opinion it falls short and the attempts can only be called "cute."  Though C.J. does succeed in her small business and the men who rejected her decide she's quite a business woman after all, she's making organic baby food of all things, which in itself suggests women might only truly succeed when they're linked to motherhood.  Furthermore, her story is reminiscent of the sexist fairy tales we all know and love where a man saves the day - in her case, filling her desire for sex and knowing how to hold a baby.

While it does address the problems and conflicts of women and mothers in the working world, it doesn't seem to provide a great answer for them.  Instead, it suggests, as a fellow blogger asserts, that perhaps they should just give in to the roles of motherhood, find a job better suited to a mommy's schedule (i.e. making homemade baby food) and find a man who can ease the pain of loneliness.

While we might be able to blame the politics of the movie on its time period, I'm falling short to even come up with a great example of a present-day feminist motherhood movie.  Any suggestions?

Though I still can't quite grasp why I enjoyed this movie as a child, I can appreciate it for Keaton's performance, but that's about it. And overall while I understand I might not be taking every point of this movie into account, I don't feel this film can be labeled "feminist," but I'd love to hear anyone's else's thoughts on the movie!

*pictures from here, here, and here.

.bestsellers...new and old.

This past week I've been able to sit inside reading all day without feeling guilty because of the stifling heat and I've been lucky to find a few captivating books to keep my attention.

I borrowed Emma Donoghue's Room from the library and quite literally couldn't put it down.  I devoured it in two afternoons and decided to take it straight back to the library just so someone else could have the pleasure of reading it (I usually take my time to return books which is not a good habit, I know).  I checked it out because I pretty much just wanted to see what all the hype was about and it's definitely one of those books that deserves the attention it's getting, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was turned into a movie very soon!  For some readers it might be a bit morbid but I'm always up for a little challenge.  I highly recommend to anyone looking for one of those books you just can't put down and trust me, it won't take much out of your life to read but it'll stay with you for a while.

I've currently picked up Markus Zusak's The Book Thief which is an old YA Lit bestseller and was suggested to me quite a while ago.  I'm so glad I finally got around to picking it back off the shelf because it too is an interestingly original work, weaving poetry and prose in a truly accessible way for young readers, but touching on some difficult subjects and cultural commentary.  When the narrator is Death, what else would you expect, right?  I could see this being taught in a thoughtful high school classroom.

Some other titles I'm interested in checking out soon:

[I saw this one today while browsing the tables at the bookstore and thought it would probably be interesting.  I'm becoming more interested in creative nonfiction lately, especially after taking Feminist Memoir last quarter]

[The school where I teach will be using Dave Eggers' new book as its common text this year so I'll definitely be checking this out soon!]

As always, happy reading!  What have you been reading lately?

.the power of laying on hands.

I've been wanting to write about this experience since we returned from vacation, and after reading more of Barbara Brown Taylor (yes, I'm a little obsessed) I've found the words and motivation to share my experience with laying on of hands.

Scott and I stayed at a small bed and breakfast within walking distance of downtown Savannah and while there we talked with the owner, an older man in his late 70s enjoying the everyday "chores" of life which included replacing the fresh magnolias in the parlor and walking "Gordie," the master mutt of the house.  In the mornings we would have delightful conversations with Robert over granola, fresh fruit, and coffee, and he suggested almost every restaurant where we dined during our trip.

One morning when Scott and I mentioned we attend an Episcopal church in Ohio he told us about a Thursday morning service held at the Episcopal church on the next block from the b&b.  We decided we would go to the intimate gathering having missed church at home and found it to be both delightfully simple and complex at the same time; simple in its small chapel setting and complex because of the extra liturgy we were not necessarily used to.  But though we might have fumbled with the booklet and tried to rise up from the prayer benches without a loud creak (we tend to always do that for some reason), I was moved by the blessing and laying on of hands in the middle of the service.  Each person in the small gathering went up to the alter and kneeled while the priest laid his hands and gave blessings to each of us.

I had never really done this before but I have to say I absolutely loved the intimacy and I felt that these hospitable southern "Savannah-ians" were part of my close family afterwards.  We all kneeled at the front and bowed our heads, listening to the quiet murmurs of the priest as he gave his blessing to each one.  His voice grew louder as he made his way down the line, drawing closer to Scott who was kneeling next to me.  After each blessing we replied "amen" in unison.  When he came to me the priest placed his hands softly on each side of my head, resting them right above my ears.  But what was amazing was that Scott and Robert laid hands on either of my shoulders so that in that moment I felt enveloped in Christian love and fellowship, more than I could have ever imagined from such a small gesture.

In her memoir, Leaving Church, Taylor writes, "By offering people a place where they may engage the steady practice of listening to divine words and celebrating divine sacraments, church can help people gain a feel for how God shows up - not only in Holy Bibles and Holy Communion but also in near neighbors, mysterious strangers, sliced bread, and grocery store wine.  That way, when they leave church, they no more leave God than God leaves them.  They simply carry what they have learned into the wide, wide world, where there is a crying need for people who will recognize the holiness in things and hold them up to God" (166).

In that moment among "mysterious strangers," I gained "a feeling for how God shows up" in the small things - in the soft touch from strangers, in a brief hug from a friend, and the holding of hands during prayer.  Though physical touch is sometimes something we often shy away from in our culture, it's sometimes in those soft, brief moments we stop and "feel," sensing God and recognizing holiness.

.finding altars in the world.

As some of you know my blog used to be called "A Room of My Own," referring to Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own (1929) and the importance for women to have money and space of their own to create and write.  But in the last few months I have discovered the writings of Barbara Brown Taylor, an Episcopal priest who has recently left the Church.  I've yet to find out why exactly but I'm reading her memoir Leaving Church so surely I'll find out soon.  But I'm sure it has a little to do with what many of us find frustrating about Church -- it's not what God intended.  I started with An Altar in the World which is a delightful read that profoundly touched me in so many ways. It's broken down into sections/chapters that deal with different areas - or altars - in the world where we can worship God.

She attests that we do not necessarily need a building with a steeple (see all the people); instead, "the last place people look is right under their feet, in the everyday activities, accidents, and encounters of their lives. What possible spiritual significance could a trip to the grocery store have? How could something as common as a toothache be a door to greater life?"(xvi).  She ponders these questions and many others, and in reading this philosophy I've tried to better notice and pay attention to the "acorn underfoot," hence the name of the blog.  I'm not sure if I've done a very good job putting this new attention to work, but I'm certainly trying to be more aware/thankful/content/knowledgeable of the small things underfoot and in my day-to-day.

What has been so amazing about this book is that it has always seemed to help me in the times I've needed it most.  The sections are divided into "practices" - - "The Practice of Waking Up to God," "The Practice of Paying Attention," "The Practice of Walking on the Earth" - - and I simply kept the book on my bedside, reading it section by section and not on any particular schedule.  I'd go several weeks without reading it and then get the feeling I needed to open it again and it always seemed the next section referred to something going on in my life.

When I got to "The Practice of Encountering Others" I had been struggling at that time with "encountering others," and her words of encouragement helped me be more aware of my struggles and apprehensions.  "At its most basic level, the everyday practice of being with other people is the practice of loving the neighbor as the self. More intricately, it is the practice of coming face-to-face with another human being, preferably someone different enough to qualify as a capital 'O' Other - and at least entertaining the possibility that this is one of the faces of God" (94).  I had never really thought of the simple day-to-day encounter with others as a way of expressing love for God and practicing "loving thy neighbor as thy self;" the simple act of looking someone in the eye or listening to their story is a way of living out a commandment.  Perhaps you might have thought this all along and maybe I sound quite silly, but I'll admit I needed a little reminder of this and got it at just the right time.  I won't say I've even improved in this area but I'm definitely more aware and trying to work on it.

Another "practice" that came along at just the right time was "The Practice of Living with Purpose," which discussed vocation.  At the time I read this section I had just agreed to start my own Mary Kay business thanks to my friend Ellen who has been doing it for over six years.  Ellen has come to be a dear friend in my life and I'm sad that she'll be moving to Texas in two weeks.  One reason I started was I saw what a blessing she is to so many women (including myself), because she's good at her job and (more importantly) she loves it! She brings joy to others in sitting with them, talking and listening to their stories, and pampering them for an hour or two.  In a way she lives out this idea Taylor poses in taking time to slow down, look in the mirror, and notice the soft lines left from years of smiling, the shape of the eyes, or the feeling of skin.

I had been apprehensive about starting a Mary Kay business (and I'm still working on my goals and finding my "purpose" with it) but I'm thankful for saying "yes" to the opportunity.  Taylor begins her section on living with purpose listing all the jobs she's ever done in her life, both paid and volunteer.  And then she writes, "I have no defense for this largely frivolous list except that every job I have ever worked has brought me into contact with a crowd of people I might never have discovered any other way.  Every job has required me to learn things that have opened up whole new dimensions of reality to me.  Every job has revealed some ability I did not know I had, just as it has exposed some clumsiness I was pretty sure I had" (108).  In her honest reflection of her job experiences I find comfort that whatever job I decide to hold (and I hope to have many in my lifetime) I will find purpose and learn more about others and myself.  As I'm still trying to set goals for my small business and learn what it is I'm wanting to "get out of it" it might not necessarily be my choice what I get out of it, but what God wants to show me about myself or others along the way.

"Every one of these tools gave me ample opportunity to choose kindness over meanness.  Every one of them offered me the chance to recognize the divine in human form, inviting me out of myself long enough to engage someone whose fears, wants, loves, and needs were at least as important as my own," she writes (111) and I'm truly excited to see where this "ample opportunity" takes me.

You might not agree with all of Taylor's philosophies and you might definitely shy away from reading about a priest who has left the Church, but I definitely recommend An Altar in the World if only to help you practice the little things in life, paying attention to the things around you, and knowing that "even something as small as a hazelnut can become an altar in the world" (34).

.vacation in Savannah recap: part 1.

For our second summer vacation as a married couple Scott and I chose Savannah, GA as our destination of adventure.  Scott had never visited the "host city" and I had only been when I was younger so we enjoyed exploring together, eating southern cuisine, browsing eclectic shops and galleries, and reading on the beach at Tybee Island, "Savannah's beach." (these are the first batch of photos...more to come!)

[The bridge going to Savannah]

[The B&B where we stayed, walking distance from the galleries, cafes, and shops downtown]

[The Lady and Sons  - Paula Deen's restaurant]

[Heading to dinner our first night - we had shrimp and tilapia tacos at the Kayak Kafe]