.ashes and Lent.

"...For dust you are and to dust you will return." - - Genesis 3:19b

This is a repost of a revised poem I wrote two years ago after attending a Catholic funeral service with my husband held on Ash Wednesday.  Since that experience, Ash Wednesday and Lent have reminded me of the Jews during the Holocaust.  The image of the ashes drawn on foreheads reminds me of the ashes of those whose lives were cruelly taken from them. For me, ashes have always brought to mind the image of the Holocaust victims (partly, I think, because I was in a Holocaust play and though we used sand instead of ashes to represent the number of deaths, the visual image of salt being poured from a bowl represented their ashes, the dust to which they returned).

Another reason is because Ash Wednesday is the one day when Christians openly display an outward physical symbol of their faith for everyone to see. Just as the yellow star of David was worn by the Jews to show their faith (though under very different circumstances; they did not choose to wear them, but were instead forced to), we wear our crosses of ash to show to whom we belong and what we believe.

Like I said earlier I wrote this poem two years ago and I've since then changed a couple things about it.  For example I had a line that said they wore them "proudly and without shame," but after further reading on the subject, I don't think this would have been true.  They didn't choose to wear this outward symbol of faith and heritage.  Being a non-Jew (which means I can never understand this) I always thought they might proudly wear them or display them (now) as witness to their history.  I think it's much more complicated than that, and I think there are probably many differing opinions and personal connections to the yellow stars.  Either way, their stars - in my mind when I watch Holocaust films or read books - are powerful symbols of their faith and heritage, one that might have been forced on them by oppressors, but can never be forgotten.  The stars bear witness of their history, retelling their story each time one is displayed.

Source: js.emory.edu via Jade on Pinterest

ashes

made into crosses.

fingerprints

traveling across smooth,

and wrinkled

foreheads.

we stand like mirrors

wearing our small signs

out into the dark world -

small lights

traveling into cold court rooms,

office buildings,

and classrooms.

they wore theirs on battlefields,

on streets,

and in camps -

yellow canvas patches,

stars shining on their dark clothes.

they used needles and thread
to sew them -

their cross to bear.

they were piled next to their

suitcases,

their shoes,

and their

ashes.

This is a photo from the Holocaust play I performed in college - I Never Saw Another Butterfly; my character, Raja collects the stars of the Terezin children...

Pouring salt - a visual representation of the lives lost in the Holocaust

.small people got small houses.

Since Scott and I first read about 'tiny' or 'small' houses (I make this distinction because there's, ironically, a big difference between tiny and small homes) we've been doing research and looking into buying a 'small' house to build on farmland someday. [You can read more about tiny and small houses at the Tiny House Blog and Tumbleweed Tiny House Company is where you can purchase the house plans (and download instantly!).

...you have your Bungalow Tiny Houses...

Source: google.com via Jade on Pinterest

...Tiny houses to-go...

...and the Small houses:

(the paint job doesn't do this small house justice in my opinion)

After living in a small one-bedroom apartment with a tiny balcony in a bustling city-like area (I say 'city-like' because it's more like a city than where we grew up but some city folk would probably laugh at us calling it that) when the time comes for us to move we'll be ready to embark on our dream of owning land, gardening, and adopting stray animals.  You might ask why we're not simply going to just buy a 'regular' size house since we'll have lived in small quarters the first five years of our marriage.  Well, the answer is for simplicity.  If you have less house you have less house to clean, less house to acquire a bunch of junk (you might still acquire it but you'll have to put it somewhere else) and I know what comes along with buying old houses - lots of repairs.  I also just like this idea of a cozy little place in the valley near a mountain, burrowed by snow in winter.

Who knows, though? We might very well change our minds by the time we're looking for a place to put down our roots in a couple more years (or God might have other plans for us), but until then we're enjoying the idea of filling our little house with wall-to-wall bookshelves and large windows for viewing the outdoors.  With the close quarters comes deliberate planning of space; every inch will need to be utilized purposefully, so we've already been thinking of ways to do this.  One way is having a 'loft' as a bedroom, which I quite love! We're both short anyway (and odds are our kids will be too) so sloping ceilings would be the perfect touch for cozy living.

Source: Uploaded by user via Jade on Pinterest

Source: marthastewart.com via Jade on Pinterest

Some other small space ideas...

Source: marthastewart.com via Jade on Pinterest

Source: weheartit.com via Jade on Pinterest

.a new 'body' of work: creative nonfiction.

In high school and college I always avoided reading or having to write 'creative non-fiction.' I felt like the term itself was confusing since it basically, in my naive mind, described two very different writing genres.  Non-fiction, to me, meant boring facts laid out in bland jargon and hard-to-pronounce terms - mostly my view of nonfiction came from science textbooks.  Instead I browsed the Fiction Bestseller lists, which were a good fit for me at the time.

Needless to say, I've since learned that creative non-fiction is, indeed, a fascinating genre of writing, one that I quite enjoy both reading and writing.  For my final quarter as a grad student I've decided to take a creative non-fiction course. I already enjoyed Feminist Memoir last year, my first real encounter with creative non-fiction, and I'm currently working on a creative memoir essay for my Writing the Body course.

For my 'body essay' I've decided to intersperse Sandra Bartky's theories of the female body with my own experiences, specifically describing times in my life that I've felt my body has been controlled or not controlled, despite or because of societal norms.  It's made up of four different chapters, the first starting with my body image as a child, choosing for myself whether I wanted to be a tomboy or 'girly' girl, wearing dresses or dirt.  The second describes the terrifying details of my first-grade classroom when we were forced to train the very movements and natural tendencies in our bodies, keeping our feet in small boxes made of strips of tape on the floor beneath our desks.  The third chapter details a time in my life that my parents and I lovingly refer to as my "Butterfinger Girl" phase; I gained weight because of my changing body and metabolism.  And the final (for now) describes my early high school years of rigorous physical training for sports, my body resembling that of a boy athlete rather than a teenage girl.

Some of the fascinating creative non-fiction we've been reading in this class include:

An Autobiography of Face by Lucy Grealy 

Plain Text: Essays by Nancy Mairs

Black, White, and Jewish: Autobiography of a Shifting Self by Rebecca Walker

And a couple books I purchased today at a used bookstore (hopefully I'll get around to reading them this summer):

Click: When We Knew We Were Feminists edited by Sullivan & Martin

Truth and Beauty: A Friendship by Ann Patchett

.coming soon: birds!.

Scott bought me this cute bird feeder for Valentines' day and we hung it up on our balcony right away.  Even though we might not sight some birds for a while I can't wait to see them when the weather warms up.  Our male cat, Sammy, seems to already understand what it's for - he sits staring at it out the window.  The cylinder of food that came with it is 'safflower' which is supposed to attract chickadees, titmice, and (one of my favorites) cardinals!  I already saw a couple of cardinals chilling in the trees at my school so hopefully we'll sight some soon on our porch.

Until then these cardinals will have to do...some prints by Charley Harper, an Ohio artist.  We first saw these in a museum gift shop and now it seems like we see them everywhere.  But aren't they great?!  His works of other birds and animals are quite fascinating too!

You can see more of his originals here; I love that he does mostly animals and nature.  And I couldn't resist including this poster, The Edge of Appalachia...love it!

photos from here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

.perfect Valentine songs.

Not much to blog about the last couple of days (unless I want to repost the reflection journals I've had to write for school or the teaching units for the Appalachian class I'm building - I'll spare you!) Instead, here are some songs I've been enjoying...they're perfect for getting in a Valentines' Day kind of mood...

Kina Grannis - "Valentine"

Kina Grannis - "Together" - - I'm loving her; thanks to my husband for putting her on the 2-year anniversary mix cd he made me :)

Kina Grannis - "In Your Arms" (yes, another one by her and this vid is so cute!)

"Life's a Happy Song" - from the new Muppets Movie (another song on the mix cd! such a cute movie!)

The Beatles - "I Will" (gotta put a Beatles song on here, and I've been teaching this one to my guitar/uke girls - it's so cute on the ukulele)

Jason Miraz - "I'm Yours" (I'm kinda tired of this song but my husband enjoys it so this is for him..)

.all things Valentines'.

It's February which means Valentines' Day will be here before we know it! My husband told me a cute little dialogue he had with his students this past week and I thought I'd share it.  He was discussing the concept of "love"and after his students had given the expected terms (trust, fellowship, support) he asked for a word that started with a "v." One of the first responses was "Valentines' Day?!" To which my husband replied, "No. And I don't even like Valentines' Day that much."  A girl in the front just couldn't let this one go so she asked, "what do you mean you don't like Valentines' Day?"  He replied, "It's just another commodified holiday.  I don't need one day out of the year to be reminded to tell my wife I love her. I tell her everyday."  -  Gotta love him.  (and the word he was looking for was 'vulnerable').  Yes, I'm a pretty lucky girl!


Last year we did the usual 'dinner and a movie' although our movie was not so traditional: Blue Valentine.  If you've seen the film (or know anything about it) you'll know it definitely wasn't a traditional 'valentine' movie despite the title, but we knew what we were getting into so I guess I can't really complain.  Overall it was a good film, just maybe not the best for celebrating Valentines' Day. This year I've suggested we go more traditional with The Vow.


Last night Scott and I caught up on one of our shows, Parks and Recreation, and it was the second 'GALentines' Day' episode.  Galentines is celebrated Feb. 13th and, according to Leslie Knope, it's a day to celebrate all the gal-friends in your life.  In case you celebrate this holiday, or would like to begin a new tradition with your gal-pals, I've included some gift suggestions below.  These are a few things I've seen lately (mostly for book lovers) that I think would be perfect 'Galentines' Day' gifts - -

A Jane Austen Devotional  - This little book looks adorable.  It's made of fabric on the outside and each devotion includes an excerpt from one of Austen's novels in connection to a Bible verse.

Owl Bookends from The Company Store - so cute!

The Help book or DVD

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - I've had so many friends suggest this book and a friend of mine is currently letting me borrow it - enjoying it so far!

If you loved the movie Julie and Julia (I was quite obsessed with it the first year of our marriage) you'll love these photos.  Julia and Paul Child took pictures each year for Valentines' Day and sent them to their friends.  They seem like such an adorably romantic couple, so I'm ending this post with a few of their homemade valentines as well as some contemporary photos of a couple who were inspired by them (they're engagement pictures I'm guessing).

Adorable!

Haha...it takes different strokes I guess...

Love this! The tag says: "You're the butter to my bread"

For more of these photos visit: greenweddingshoes.com

photos from here and here

.on my birth and football.

Since it's Super Bowl Sunday I thought I'd share a piece I wrote about my birth and football for my Feminist Theory: Writing the Body course.  After reading a brief excerpt of Rebecca Walker's birth story in her memoir Black, White, and Jewish, we were given the option to compose our own birth stories.

I had already written a version of my birth story for the Feminist Memoir class I took last year, so I decided to write another version, one that was more male-oriented, looking more at my dad's role in my birth.  I think most would agree that our mothers are often considered much more in the writing and remembering of our birth stories, because they are the ones physically 'giving birth.'  But, it's also important to consider that the day of birth is the first time the father can 'physically' bond with the child outside the mother's belly (I emphasize physical because they can bond by speaking to the child or feeling the baby kick).  The mother is physically and emotionally bonding with the baby as s/he forms within her, but the father is only able to physically bond with the child once s/he emerges from the womb.  I hinted at this in my juxtaposition of my emergence from my mother's belly and resting on my dad's 'new daddy-belly.'

"On my birth and football"

I should have known from my birth story that football would forever be a significance when it comes to the men in my life. A significance that couldn’t help presenting itself on my wedding day; my father’s toast ending with a Cowboys t-shirt given to me with the command to “wear it when you’re in our house.” To which my father-in-law started his toast with a Colts “rebuttal.” All I could do was smile to myself, glimpsing my husband’s groom’s cake – a football field with a giant Indianapolis Colts emblem – and raise my glass for a toast to a new relationship with a man and football.

- - -

It was a Monday night and the Dallas Cowboys were playing. My mom started having strong contractions so dad set the VCR before they drove the hour and a half to mom’s OBGYN in Tennessee. They checked her in, but I was in no hurry to make my grand arrival. They walked the parking lot together, mom in her tight Keds, her feet swollen in her shoes, dad rubbing her back and holding her clammy hand. I was their first child so everything was harder than my brother’s smooth, easy delivery. She felt me standing straight up in her stomach, stretching my legs and arms inside her, but I wasn’t coming out until I was ready. When I finally arrived Tuesday afternoon, the one thing they remember most was the scream that erupted the moment I came out. Mom says it was me, yelling, “I am Woman, hear me roar,” and I haven’t stopped since.

I’ve seen the video of the nurses wiping me down, my chubby body shivering – how cold we must feel in that sterile, frigid room, after being enveloped in warmth and heartbeats. One of the nurses began filming then, because I saw mom, worn out but gleaming, and dad’s young face, his dark curly hair and mustache that he would soon shave because it left scratches on my face when he held me. The camera spanned the room, showing the nurses dipping my tiny paws in ink and weighing me, my fat body left on naked, natural display. I lay there, formed and ready to take on the changes of life – small fingers that would grow calluses from years of playing guitar; blue eyes that would turn green, mom swears to match the shade of my name; short tuffs of hair that would turn into stubborn fuzz for most of middle school; strong thighs perfect for swimming. The nurses swaddled me in a blanket and mom says that’s the only time my cries softened, a brief reminder of the comforting envelopment my mother’s belly had provided.
I saw my grandparents and uncle “ooing” and “ahhing,” pointing at me through the glass window – the first grandchild, such large shoes to fill with such tiny feet to show for it. When they finally brought me home, dad put in the taped Dallas game and I napped on his new-daddy belly, comforted by his breathing and the sound of football in the background. Mom took our picture, me slumbering mouth wide open, dad smiling contentedly.

- - -

From that snapshot on, football became a comfort for me, and a connection to the male figure in my life. Later, when I started dating my husband – the only guy I ever dated who watched football – he was amazed at the time it took for me to fall asleep once a game was on. Within seconds, he says, I am snoring contentedly, hushed by the sounds of the commentators, crowds, and ESPN theme music. One day I realized it must have become a kind of lullaby for me - - Sunday evenings with football on after church, mom and me slumbering on the couch, dad quietly enjoying his game. I grew up understanding this male pastime, an understanding that many might not comprehend. I realize most girls wouldn’t be okay with a Peyton Manning poster in their bedroom; they might think that could be a clue of my husband’s “unhealthy” relationship to a football player. But, then again, my dad taped Monday Night Football the day before I was born so he could share the experience of watching our first game together.

.a new term to explore!.

Fellow blogger, Wendy Welch, a used bookstore owner in the Appalachian mountains of Virginia who holds her PhD in Ethnography, is currently working on a book that will be published very soon.  While reading one of her posts, I came upon her term, "trailer park intellectuals" which she defines as: "people who are intelligent yet didn’t get a higher education, who often have jobs that don’t require–or perhaps even value–their innate smartness and problem-solving abilities."  Since reading her interesting concept I've been fascinated by this idea, especially since I've been 'building' an Appalachian composition class focusing on the stereotypes, traditions, and controversies (Mountaintop Removal, marijuana, moonshine, methamphetamine production, blurring lines of church and state) in the Appalachian region.  My class is currently titled "Place and Heritage: Where In the World Is Appalachia?"

Since learning about this term Wendy and I have communicated briefly about the possibility of the term having negative connotations.  Negative or not, I thought the term (and the people it serves to define) would definitely be an interesting concept to discuss in my future Appalachian class (when I do get to teach it, that is).  In the Composition/Rhetoric course I'm currently taking, we've been reading lots of articles that discuss the working-class student in the academy and the transitions they must make within this new discourse community.  This term seemed to relate, somewhat, to some of the ideas expressed in those articles (related blog posts coming soon!).  And as a student/teacher from a working-class family, I understand first-hand how the language of the academy can seem 'exclusive.' Currently, I think society (and most people) have a certain person/people, language, and conventions in mind when they think 'intellectual,' and I think and agree that it should be changed!  There are many different kinds of 'intellectual' and many different distinctions that people might not consider - in my own family, my dad gutted, designed, and rebuilt the entire inside of our Sears-Roebuck house and my mother can cross-stitch any pattern she sees from memory.  I'm proud of the intellectuals I came from and the intellectual I've become.  Perhaps it might do us all some good in considering: what does 'intellectual' really mean? 

Getting back to Wendy's term I thought it would be engaging to ask my current ENG 102 students what they thought about the term - a somewhat 'objective' audience since they're not from the Appalachian region. The students come from lower-middle to middle-class background, some from rural farm towns in Ohio and others from more urbanized centers like Cincinnati and Columbus.  The university is public liberal arts and my students' majors range from nursing to engineering to primary education.  I framed the discussion by writing the term, 'trailer park intellectuals' on the board and asking them two questions:

(1) seeing this term for the first time what do you think this term means?
(2) do you think it has negative/positive/both connotations?

My students wrote their answers anonymously on scraps of paper and handed them in, and then we discussed it briefly as a class.  Students were eager to share their ideas and it seemed to really spark some interest among the group.  Here are some highlights from their responses (the #s refer to the question they answered from above)...

(1) the first reaction that I get is poor or I don't know why but redneck (2) the term sounds negative to me...

(1) I feel as if it is speaking upon a low-class citizen.  (2) I would feel offended to be called something with the word 'trailer park'


(1) Trailer park intellectuals seems to [refer to] someone from a lower income or class background who show some wisdom despite [their] surrounding (2) I believe it can be both taken negatively as degrading and positively as a sense of pride in the same way terms such as 'ghetto' or 'redneck' have been


(1) people who are really creative in a trailer park style, example: someone who wants a truck bed hot tub (2) white trash or poor


(1) people that live in a trailer park that are really resourceful with what they have (2) It could be negative if people talk down [to] them because they don't have a lot of money


(1) refers to someone who appears to be uneducated (2) I feel this term perpetuates a negative appeal


(*this one was very interesting and probably the most unlike the rest) - - (1) it means someone who knows a lot about trailer home parks (2) could be both because someone is needed to design the park and make sure it runs efficiently like an architect, but it could be used negatively to say all the person knows is about trailers, so must be low class


(1) intellectuals who live in a trailer park (2) it sort of implies that you are a smart trailer trash person which may not be a bad thing?


(1) I would think this means something nasty.  If you get called anything that involves 'trailer' it means you're trashy, dirty, and poor (2) this is negative


(*another one I found quite interesting in the words s/he chose) - - (1) it sounds like redneck 'smarts' (2) definitely negative because when you hear trailer park people [you] automatically think trash or redneck


(1) I think it means people who come from a poor background, but became educated and wealthier than they were growing up (2) It can have both.  They are saying you come from lower class people, but also saying you rose above it


(*yet another interesting observation) - - (1) sounds like someone who thinks they are very informed on a topic and will argue about it, but is only informed on one side of the issue (2) definitely has negative connotations basically sounds like an ignorant American


(1) People who come from bad situations but thrive (Oprah) (2) it would be insulting


(1) I think of someone who, though they may not be college-educated, are still 'well read,' or intelligent.  (2) It seems like a very back-handed compliment, and it does have negative connotations.

I thought all their insights were certainly interesting, considering their own lower- to middle-class backgrounds.  Many of the students I've taught at this school are first-generation (like me) and working-class, often working to pay for college.  I think many of them took 'offense' to the 'trailer park' because of the connotations that can often come from it thanks to television, movies, and the media in general.  When I told them why I was asking for their opinions, in connection to my Appalachian background, they said that they didn't think of the term as necessarily 'regional' but rather 'lower class background' around the world (although some did refer to 'redneck' and 'white trash' in their responses and those terms seem to be regional).  What an interesting conversation we had as a class!

Thank you to Wendy Welch for opening up this interesting discussion!  Readers, feel free to share your thoughts on the term 'trailer park intellectuals.' *Since writing this blog post, Wendy has decided to go with another term for her book: 'mountain intellectuals,' one that might not be taken so negatively (see Wendy's comment below).

*Apparently there's a reading list on Amazon called: "The Trailer Park Intellectual's Preferred Reading List"
picture came from here

.living comfortably vs. living fully.

The past two weeks have been a bit stressful.  I'm sure if I was a more normal person and didn't always have to feel like the growing 'to-do list' has a conspiracy against me I wouldn't feel this way, but I do.  This trait of mine can be both a positive and negative - -

positive: I tend to get things done early instead of waiting to the last minute and procrastinating
negative: until I get those things done they're weighing on me and I can't even sleep at night.  The following picture illustrates this pretty well except even when I've been working lately I've been thinking of the many other things I need to be working on.

Having been a student in higher ed for the past 6 years I've gotten used to this feeling, but now that I'm in my last semester I'm ready to just throw up my hands and say, "Enough!"  I know once I get out into 'the real world' of the workplace I'll have similar deadlines and to-do lists, but there's just something about the way I've been feeling lately that makes me feel uncomfortable.  My school/work life seems like it's dragging me through everyday rather than being the other way around.  Don't get me wrong - this quarter is nothing like the challenge of last quarter.  Right now my classes are going well, I love my students, and for the most part I'm not working on homework the entire weekend.  But these past couple of weeks have been trying on my nerves and I just want to be back on an "easy plateau," as Ryan Adams would say.

Having said all this, last night I read a quote in my devotional that really helped me (and I know this quote is probably meant for people going through much worse - let's face it, I'm just getting bogged down with 'stuff to do' but I'm well aware of all the blessings I have: a loving, encouraging partner, two jobs that I love, a supportive family, a comfortable apartment, and two playfully crazy cats).  All this aside, this quote did help me see that life's not always going to "comfortable" or "easy" the way we might want it to be.  That's a good thing, though we might not see it that way at the time.

"Each person has a spiritual obligation before God to learn how to live well, to live fully, as opposed to knowing only how to live comfortably" - Luci Swindoll


Who doesn't want to live a comfortable life?  We yearn for moments when we can wrap ourselves in a soft comforter, grasp a mug of hot tea in our hands, and listen to the warm crackling fire in the fireplace [...] When God provides such times of comfort, we can thank him for that gift.  But when days come that are far from comfortable, we can then take comfort in the fact that God is teaching us to live well, to live fully.  He has more for us in life than just to live comfortably" (from Take My Heart, Oh God: Riches from the Greatest Christian Writers of All Time)

I have to say when I read the line about cuddling up on the couch (preferably without a care in the world) to say I was 'yearning' for it would have been an understatement (maybe it just needs to snow so some of us can slow down and regroup). But this devotion was a comfort in itself because of it's message: when we feel like life seems 'uncomfortable' it might just be more 'full.'

picture form here

.my first tablet.

So anyone who knows me pretty well is aware that I'm not very technologically advanced - - I mean I can type pretty fast, I can use PC and Mac operating systems -thanks to my job as Writing Center tutor in college- and I know my way around most computer programs - - but I own a military-grade flip-phone that can pretty much only text, using the number pad, and when my guitar students bring in their touch-screen iPods I probably seem like an ancient granny trying to work them.  I sit in class with fellow English grad students who prop up their iPads and tablets while I fumble around with a stack full of printed articles and books.  That being said, I'm very excited to announce that I bought a new Kindle Fire!!!! (yes, I realize the hypocrisy of a previous post...but we all grow and change, right?)

Now before some of you faint in your seats at the thought of me giving up hardcopy books (I have pledged to read the printed word or so says my blog) I did not purchase it for reading; I'll still be sitting in class with a pile of articles and books.  Although it might be smart for my husband and me to go easy on purchasing hardcopy books -we've long run out of shelf room- I didn't purchase it with any plan to read on it (although that doesn't mean I'm going cold-turkey - I might decide to purchase a couple to have handy).  Instead, it will be used in my guitar lessons for playing music videos and looking up chords on the spot! I'm very excited to take it in to my first lessons and let my girls rock out to the music videos of Taylor Swift or Christina Perry (a new favorite for the 10-17 female guitar-playing demographic).

So far I'm very pleased with my purchase (and I just know my husband can't wait to download Angry Birds and read ESPN blogs more conveniently).  I first decided I wanted one when I saw the price - $199 compared to the iPad's $500+ range.  And last week I took my laptop to work to look up a few songs for my students and let them play their guitar with the music videos; they loved it! But I don't want to have to lug my laptop around with me everywhere so this seemed a perfect compromise.

With all this excitement and hype about the tablets I have to say I've bought into it a little bit (begrudgingly so).  I'm making myself feel better by telling myself (the truth) that I bought it for work purposes, even though it seems like such a great way to play!

.Chicago on my mind.

Yes, it's only the end of January but I turned in my master's independent paper proposal this week, I'm heading into my fifth week of winter quarter, and I'll be juggling classes, lessons, grading, and writing for another 4 1/2 months! - - I can't help but think of summer vacation! Since Scott showed me a rental in downtown Chicago the other day I've not been able to get it off my mind.  Scott and I have never visited the windy city and there's absolutely nothing we enjoy more than losing ourselves in a new place, surrounded by museums, restaurants, parks, and quirky bookstores.  Our first two summer vacations were spent near the beach, strolling the historic southern neighborhoods of Beaufort and Savannah, riding bikes to small cafes for lunch, and marking off bookstores in our travel guides.  This year's summer plans haven't been made yet (other than 3 graduations and weddings on the calendar) so who knows what we'll be thinking by March or April?  But for now I'll just continue to Google images of Chicago and share them with you...

.Crazy, Stupid [Amazing] Love.

Okay, when I first saw the previews for Crazy, Stupid, Love I was a little disappointed; it starred Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, and Emma Stone, all of whom I LOVE, but the movie seemed more stupid than crazy.  Even on the posters and marketing for the movie you mostly feel like Gosling's character is going to be the womanizing lady's man, counseling newly-divorced Carell in the ways of objectifying women - which he does for some time in the film. During these 'Miyagi-esque' lessons, though, Gosling's character is absolutely hilarious, and you can't help but enjoy watching him dazzle the ladies and suavely lead them home (yes, my feminist buttons were being pushed, but it was entertaining, and if women are that stupid to be lead home by sleazy pick-up lines, I say more power to them).

But, the game changes when Gosling meets Stone's character (for the second time) and yes, we've all seen enough of the trailer to know she's the 'one who's different, the one who changes his ways.'  And it's up to Carell to help him learn the romance side of relationships.  I'm sure those of you who haven't seen it are thinking, "yes, yes, we know what happens next, happy ending, blah, blah, blah."  But, I too was a cynic about the film and by the end I was not only proved wrong, I was wiping away tears (and I even spotted a few from my hubby as well).  Yes, it has a happy ending - I'm not spoiling much there - but the film is such a sweet reminder that love can be crazy and stupid, but in the end it's so worth the crazy, stupid parts!  To all of you, like myself, who didn't give this film a chance (I wouldn't have watched it if not for my husband) I suggest watching it - you won't be disappointed!

 

pictures from here and here.

.work that's not so much like work.

I read this in my devotional the other day and I just love it - - "Work...it should be looked upon -- not as a necessary drudgery...but as a way of life in which the nature of [wo]man should find its proper exercise and delight and so fulfill itself to the glory of God." - - Dorothy Sayers

The old saying, "love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life," is one that I live by and recite to my freshmen English students on a regular basis.  They sit in class, juggling jobs and school and life, desperately trying to figure out what they want to do for the rest of their lives, and I know it can be scary.  Luckily for me, I didn't have to search too hard to find my dream job - teaching.  I started when I was fourteen teaching swimming lessons, then moved on to guitar lessons, and now I teach the correct ways to cite sources in MLA and APA format.   Though it might sound "blah" to some, it is a fabulously perfect fit for me.

But one of the things I'm most thankful for is that I still get to give guitar lessons, teaching young girls to sing and play Taylor Swift and Michelle Branch (etc.) to their hearts' content.  Before Christmas, 11 of my students performed in a recital for their parents and the residents of Bethany Village Nursing Facility.   I have to say I felt a bit like a giddy parent, watching them perform.  Though last quarter was a challenging experience as a freshmen teacher, I realized that I went through it for a reason - to appreciate the other times (like the girls' performance and my students/class this quarter) when I know I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

.It's the new year already?.

 I can't quite believe how long it's been since I've written on here.  The last post tells me it was mid-September, reminding me just how fast the last few months have gone.  And I have a feeling the next few will be zipping by just as fast.

If I was on a semester schedule at school I could say this is my last semester, but since we're on quarters I'll still have one more to go after the one at present - which I'll be going in to week 3 of 10 this week (see, flying by already).  I'll be graduating in June with an M.A. in English Literature and a Certificate in Women's Studies, searching for an adjunct teaching position at a community college close by - I hope! I've decided I'm just going to take my time in finding a job instead of scrambling around panicking.  I've got a growing number of guitar lessons to see me through the summer if need be anyway.  And Scott, too, is coming up on a new and exciting stage in his Ph.D program.  He's finished with coursework and will begin studying and taking Comps this semester, on top of teaching two general option religion courses.  He'll then begin working on his dissertation with two years paid to complete it.

On January 2nd we celebrated not only two years of wonderful marriage, but two years of successful studies in programs we're both blessed to be a part of.  Graduating this June will be bittersweet for me because I'm both ready to leave and sad to be finished (although my proposal for my independent paper is due next week so about mid-March I might really be ready to get out of all this mess).  But my real reason for being sad is the people - the TAs and professors who have been supportive and helpful every step of the way.  I've met some great people through my program and I'll be sad not to be able to share all the joys and frustrations of being a grad student teaching freshman composition.  I hope and pray I'll end up in a supportive and encouraging environment as a new teacher next year, whether at a private high school or community college.

All that said, this last semester (er...next to last quarter) has started exceedingly well (much better than the growing pains I experienced last quarter).  My class of freshmen are engaged and quite talkative actually, in a good way! And the courses I'm taking, while I felt a bit out of my comfort zone at first, are going really well - "Feminist Theory: Writing the Body" and my first Comp/Rhet class "Teaching Argument: ENG 102."  I'm very excited to be creating another themed class as part of the Teaching 102 course, this time working a theme into the argumentation freshman comp class.  I've decided on Place & Heritage, specifically focusing on the Appalachian culture.  My students will explore the issues, stereotypes, and heritage connected to the place of Appalachia, reflecting on their own cultures and heritage through interviews and readings.  I'm excited to be working on this project, though it seems a bit overwhelming right now, because I have such a connection to Appalachia and I think it'll be great to explore it in the classroom.  My independent paper topic also deals with Appalachia: the cinematic narrative creating a national identity in Muriel Rukeyser's The Book of the Dead, an epic poem depicting the Gauley Bridge Mining Tragedy in West Virginia.

Well I can't end a post without reading suggestions so here's what's been on my bedside table lately (thanks mostly to my husband for giving them to me as Christmas presents):

Mudhouse Sabbath: An Invitation to Life of Spiritual Discipline by Lauren Winner - As a convert from Judaism to Christianity, Winner finds small ways we, as Christians, can connect to our Jewish heritage.

Orange is the New Black: My Year in Women's Prison by Piper Kerman - I'm not sure why but I'm always fascinated by narratives about life in prison, whether it be on TV or in books.  Kerman attended a women's college, came from a good background, but did time for helping transport drugs.

Take This Bread by Sara Miles - Miles grew up in an atheist household, despite her grandparents' involvement in mission work and social activism in the name of God.  Her memoir tells of her conversion to Christianity after a serendipitous communion experience.  Read an excerpt here.

I also just finished the first book of The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins and I can't wait to watch the movie coming out in March!  Until next time...

.church and politics.

As part of the Feminism & Christianity course I'm taking this quarter, we write brief responses to the readings, posing questions for class discussion.  This particular reflection stirred some interesting conversation among my classmates so I thought I'd share it here.

In his article, “Black Theology and Solidarity,” James H. Cone discusses the emergence of Black Theology, which came about not in the universities and seminaries, but through political struggle for racial liberation and the civil rights movement.  He also illustrates some of the beliefs of Black Theology, emphasizing justice for all races and the liberation from oppression preached in the “good news” of Christ.  In addition, he discusses Black Theology’s connection to Third World Theologies and the growth of “Womanism” from black women’s rejection of patriarchy in Black Theology.  During his discussion of Black Theology he states that it “was defined largely by Martin Luther King, Jr., when he and other Black church people began to relate the gospel to the struggle for justice in North American society.  The majority of White theologians denied [this] relationship [and] claimed that politics did not mix” (38).  Having grown up in a conservative Southern Baptist environment, I was never quite sure the political stance of our church until election year came around, and even then there were brief suggestions (usually by deacons) to “pray for wisdom at the polls.”  Many "white" churches still seem to hold on to this idea that politics and church do not mix, but I can only count on my hand the number of church sanctuaries I’ve been to that didn’t have an American flag stationed below the cross.  Is the inclusion of the American flag not considered a political gesture and stance when displayed within a church?

.Can't help but LOVE The Help.

[Celia Foote and Minny were definitely my favorite characters, both in the book and the film]

photos from here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Baby Boom: Feminist or not?

The 1987 film Baby Boom was on television the other day and I couldn't help but tune in since it was one of the movies I watched as a child.  Horrific music, bad gender politics and all, I still couldn't tell you why I enjoyed it so much.  I was pretty precocious and preferred playing hotel manager and bank teller over housewife and mommy and my mom will tell you I only owned a handful of dolls in my lifetime.  So I guess the mom in a business suit attracted me, but now when I watch it I see it in a totally different light.  

If you've never seen it I'll bring you up to speed:  J.C. Wyatt, played by Diane Keaton, is a successful New York business woman on the brink of her career as a soon-to-be-partner of a multi-million dollar company called "The Food Chain."  Her "genderless" name is perhaps supposed to suggest she's trying her best to fit in with the male-dominated business market of the late 80s. At a business luncheon with her boss she expresses some of her "radical" ideas, professing she doesn't want to be married and definitely doesn't want kids - ever. It's only minutes after her "feminist tirade" that she gets an early-morning call from overseas informing her that a distant cousin has died and left her something in his will.   Of course, we all know what it is but she stupidly decides it might be money.

The next day she meets her "inheritance" at the airport - Elizabeth, a curly-headed toddler with a suitcase and diaper bag.  The social worker hands her off to the sulking J.C. who nearly has a breakdown (one of her many tantrums throughout the film) in the middle of the airport.  The next scene we're taken to a swanky restaurant as J.C. comes close to committing child abuse, lugging Elizabeth around like a briefcase, nearly banging her head in the door.  She hands her off to the woman at the coat check, proceeds to her luncheon, and acts oblivious to the sound of Elizabeth crying.

Later, at her apartment she leaves Elizabeth on a chair, telling her to "sit!" as if she's talking to a trained puppy.  And when her boyfriend meets little Elizabeth it's as if he's never really interacted with a baby before in his life, professing he's doesn't know how to hold her because he's never held a baby.   I'm sure there are people out there like this, but really, you've went your whole life without holding a baby?  And we see him reasoning with her like a small child, telling her to go to sleep because he has a big business deal the next day (I actually wouldn't have minded if she'd spit up on him there just a little bit, but I digress....).

Thankful for the clause found in her contract, J.C. seeks adoption for Elizabeth, but she changes her mind at the agency when Elizabeth starts crying for her - she's become attached after nursing her when she has a cold.  Her "mommy gene" has already kicked in and she's hooked for good.   But her boyfriend, as she knowingly suspected, is not interested in playing "daddy."

A couple weeks go by like one might suspect after being thrown into the stresses of motherhood: she struggles to find a trustworthy babysitter, the men around her start giving her odd looks when she has toys delivered to her office, and the young man she's been training for several years is now being promoted, while her dreams of becoming partner are quickly slipping away.

Rather than cutting back a bit at work she drastically decides to leave New York and the company behind, purchasing a 60+ acre estate in Vermont - if you can't play with the big boys, go home, right?!  In Vermont, it plays out like most "city mouse goes to the country" plots - the house starts needing repairs and she doesn't know what to do about it.  She breaks down into another tantrum, professing she can't live there anymore, she needs civilization and sex!

And then "the man" enters, the one who's going to save her from her single-motherhood status and repair all her broken pieces.  On cue, just seconds after her "I need sex" line, she's lying on a doctor's table staring at a middle-aged veterinarian.   You're just hoping she'll at least keep it together, but the New York high-lifer she was and still is comes out as she sits and spills her dilemmas, reminiscent of a therapy session.

Desperate to leave the end of civilization and return to New York she decides to sell her homemade baby food.  Her small company, "Country Baby," becomes successful to the point that her old company in New York wants to purchase it for several million dollars.  Caught between the prospects of staying with the country vet and returning to New York, she decides to pass on the business deal, and the movie closes with her return to the vet and little Elizabeth in the country.

From the beginning, I feel, we're not meant to like her character.  She's selfish, a bit delusional, and she's a stereotypical "yuppy" business woman.  As an audience we're almost relieved to find that she's going to be taking care of a baby, if only to bring some of the attention away from herself.  The fact that she's playing this type of character is problematic in itself when trying to consider this film as feminist.  Why is she such a disagreeable character when she's a working woman and non-believer of marriage and motherhood? And why is it that we're only allowed to warm up to her once she has a baby in her arms? This seems to only suggest you become a better woman when you enter the throes of motherhood.

So, while I appreciate the attempt at feminism in this movie, it's hard to watch films like this one that might profess to be "feminist" or at least a consideration of radical gender politics.  In my opinion it falls short and the attempts can only be called "cute."  Though C.J. does succeed in her small business and the men who rejected her decide she's quite a business woman after all, she's making organic baby food of all things, which in itself suggests women might only truly succeed when they're linked to motherhood.  Furthermore, her story is reminiscent of the sexist fairy tales we all know and love where a man saves the day - in her case, filling her desire for sex and knowing how to hold a baby.

While it does address the problems and conflicts of women and mothers in the working world, it doesn't seem to provide a great answer for them.  Instead, it suggests, as a fellow blogger asserts, that perhaps they should just give in to the roles of motherhood, find a job better suited to a mommy's schedule (i.e. making homemade baby food) and find a man who can ease the pain of loneliness.

While we might be able to blame the politics of the movie on its time period, I'm falling short to even come up with a great example of a present-day feminist motherhood movie.  Any suggestions?

Though I still can't quite grasp why I enjoyed this movie as a child, I can appreciate it for Keaton's performance, but that's about it. And overall while I understand I might not be taking every point of this movie into account, I don't feel this film can be labeled "feminist," but I'd love to hear anyone's else's thoughts on the movie!

*pictures from here, here, and here.