"Confronted by Someone Else's Story"

I'm pulling from the archive today, republishing an old post from last year because of its relevancy.  Yesterday's post, "Thoughts on Amendment One and Christians," referenced Rachel Held Evans' blog post about the culture war being waged by groups of Christians against gay marriage and LGBT concerns.  Today, her post was equally powerful (if not more so), contemplating what it means that so many of us as Christians agree that we're ready to move from "waging war to washing feet," to praying for guidance and healing.  And even though others close to us may disapprove of us taking part in this conversation (at all), we need to understand that we're not alone in our individual journeys (wherever that may be on the spectrum).  Indeed, I think it's important that we meet each other on these journeys and learn to have loving conversations, rather than hateful confrontations.

Today's post emphasized the importance of stories.  Evans writes, 

We need to listen to one another’s stories. Time and time again, I talk to Christians whose experiences, like mine, go something like this: 


“I used to think that homosexuality was a sinful, promiscuous lifestyle that people chose in rebellion to God, and that Christians need to rally against the ‘gay agenda’ through legislative action. Then, my best friend (or brother or sister or son or daughter or high school buddy or neighbor or mentor) came out, and everything changed. Their story didn’t fit the stereotype. It didn’t fit into my previous categories. Their story made me see that things aren’t that simple, and that the ‘war’ between Christianity and homosexuality represents a false dichotomy that is incredibly painful and destructive to Christians with same-sex attractions. After that, I could no longer support the sort of rhetoric and actions that only serve to make this world a more hostile and hopeless place to the ones I loved. I kept thinking about all the depression, all the suicides, all the secrets. I just can’t support a culture that, perhaps inadvertently, fosters that.” 


Everything changes when you are confronted with someone else’s story (Source).

As I commented on Evans' blog, "I like that you've emphasized the importance of listening to others' stories. I am a 23-year-old Christian who grew up southern Baptist, raised to think homosexuality is a sin. Then I went to college and met gay and lesbian individuals whom I grew to love, listening to their stories and becoming 'torn' on the issue [she references a book called Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from Gay- vs. Christians Debate]. Then I went to grad school and met (and read) even more gay and lesbian individuals, who were also Christians.  I began reading Sara Miles' Take This Bread with my husband, reading Jennifer Finney Boylan's She's Not There, (perhaps what changed my mind more than anything), going to a talk by Jennifer Knapp (a lesbian Christian singer/songwriter), having conversations with other Christians about the 'issue,' and I've now evolved to call myself a Christian ally, supporting the LGBT community and fighting against the kind of prejudice and hatred you discussed in your last post. I'm very much looking forward to following what unfolds here, listening to more stories, and learning better ways to deal with situations like you faced with your husband (I deal with this. . . and I oftentimes have to 'hide' my own opinions just to keep the peace). I know there are so many of us who still do this, sadly - faced with situations where the LGBT community is being attacked without any hope for defense. Thank you for sharing and letting us all know we're not alone!"

Again, I agree with Evans that the stories are what need to be shared, because, as she says, "Everything changes when you are confronted with someone else’s story."  What follows is a post I wrote a year ago while taking Feminist Memoir.  I haven't changed anything because I think it's interesting (for myself at least) to see my growth and change even in a year's time, but also how this experience still shapes my worldview as a Christian. . .*would love to hear more from readers - what stories do you have to share?

This past week was both challenging and eye-opening.  Challenging, because it had come time to begin the final book for our Feminist Memoir class, and it dealt with transgender issues.  I'll admit I was close-minded about beginning my reading, and most of this can be blamed on my ignorance of the issue.  I read Jennifer (formerly James) Finney Boylan's She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders and quite literally, couldn't put it down.  I slowly learned what it means to be transgender, and for her specifically, it meant not ever truly feeling like she belonged in her own skin.  She would watch her mother iron her father's shirts, becoming frustrated when her mother would point out that she would wear shirts like these one day.  She was a young girl, trapped in a male body for much of her life, and remembers feeling this way at the early age of three.

This week was eye-opening because I learned so much about transgender issues through the story of one person.  I got to meet her in person on Thursday, sharing pizza and discussion, and then listening to her lecture later that day.  What amazes me the most about her story is that she lived most her life as a man haunted by the wish to be a woman. 

She married and had two boys before, at the age of 40, beginning the process of transitioning into a female body...and her heterosexual wife is still with her today. Her wife (named "Grace" in her book) is with her through every step of the process, and although there are times of utter frustration and heartache, they share a life together, raising two boys who equally love their "Maddie" (a term they coined as young boys, combining "mommy" and "daddy").  If their family is not a prime example of love, I'm not sure what is.  And what touched me the most about her lecture was when she pointed out that many people may feel that their relationship is "weird," but how many other relationships/marriages are filled with abuse and neglect, etc.? Yet Jennifer and Grace's love is unconditional, which is more than a lot of people can say for their own relationships (I wish I could remember exactly how she said it, because it was much more eloquent than that).

So, I wanted to share this experience with you - my own "transition," if you will - and suggest that when you go into something close-minded, you may very well come out on the other side changed, with wide eyes open, as I have this week.  It's extremely easy to judge because of ignorance and misunderstanding, but as Jennifer's Christian mother (who she says is her #1 fan) pointed out,


"You can't hate someone when you've heard their story."